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Come Now; Let Us Reason Together
This article is about women, but is written to and for men. It contains personally damaging information about me and about men in general. Therefore, women I ask that you not read this or, if you do, keep the contents a secret.
Now that all the women have put this article down, men let me make a confession. I'm tired! I can't hang with my girlfriend. How in the world does she do it. For that matter, how does any woman do it; especially single parent woman.
My girlfriend, who is a single parent, asked me to help with her two boys for a couple of days while she worked late. All I had to do was pick them up from childcare, take them home, help them with home work, fix dinner (actually just warm up food she prepared earlier), and make sure they washed up for bed. Oh my God! I was dead tired when she came in, even though I had to drink a cup of coffee at 6 PM to stay awake past 10 PM. I only did this for three days, and by day three, I wanted to quit. Maybe it's because my children are grown and when they were younger I was in the Army and spent so much time away that I never knew how much work my wife at the time had to do. Or, maybe now that I'm in my 40s, I don't have the patience or stamina I use to have. Or, maybe I'm just not cut out for doing that kind of work. Whatever the answer, the fact is I have to MAN UP.
I'm reminded of the biblical text that speaks of the virtuous woman, found in the 31st chapter of the book of Proverbs. It reads;
"She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple... She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness." (Proverbs 31:13-22, 24-27)
In the middle of this ridiculously long list of things this wife does, verse 23 mentions that, "Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land." That it! That's all he does; sit with his boys and talk about how much work his wife is doing? Come on; that's embarrassing. I know he is doing more then that.
Gentlemen, I know we men are hard working, productive, servant warriors for our families and loved ones. However, we must give it to the women in our life. They are awesome. If you are as old as I am, you may remember the old perfume commercial where the woman says, "I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never, never let you forget you're a man. Cause, I'm a woman." Every woman, who wants to, can do that and then some. Not only can women do more things at one time then we can, and do those things over a longer period of time, but they also make it look easy.
Make no mistake about it, our women are overworked, emotionally stressed, and this is taking a severe toll on their health. According to the Department of Health and Human Services statistical data, heart disease is the number one reason for death in women. This was unheard of 50 years ago. Heart disease was previously believed to be a "man disease" because few women ever died from heart attacks and stroke. There is an awareness campaign called "Go Red" to alert and educate women on the signs of heart disease. One measure to reduce the risk of heart disease is to reduce stress. Unfortunately our women are stressed to the max. I have a few theories as to why.
First, as listed is Proverbs 31, all the tasks the wife performs are home and children related. Our women today are doing more and more task that are not directly related to home and children, but when they return home, those tasks are still waiting for them to do. You have heard it said a thousand times by women who work with you; "Now let me go home to my second job." Now, I'm not for one minute saying that women should not work outside the home. I'm only stating that the workload of the modern woman has increased. This may attribute to the higher stress level and the likelihood of heart attacks.
Secondly, however, I think there is a subtle hidden truth revealed in Proverbs 31 that may speak more to the current dilemma. One of the, if not the, most stressful things women deal with is divided loyalties, when the job conflicts with the home. The wife in Proverbs was the CEO of her home. She had total authority because she had total responsibility.Even though in the culture in which the text was written, most women could not own property. The assumption is that she managed the household as steward of the family's wealth. Her husband trusted her and she was only accountable to him. In contrast, women today have to divide the accountability between two men, The Man on the job and the man at home. You noticed which one I capitalized. In that conflict, "The Man" is going to win every time. If she works outside the home, then she has a second headship to answer to. Not recognizing this truth and not helping her to relieve that conflict can destroy the woman you love. In a perfect world, wives would only work outside the home if they desired to, and if a conflict of loyalties arises, they could walk away from the job because their husband is a sufficient provider. This is not the norm for today. So, what are we as men to do?
I would like to make some suggestions.
Number 1: Stop what you are doing and call, text, email, or go directly to your wife, girlfriend, or mother and let them know how much you appreciate their ability to do it all and look good doing it. Giving her some flowers wouldn't hurt.
Number 2: Make more income and budget that income to provide adequately for the family without the need for her to work outside the home. That may be tough, but it can be done.
Finally, Number 3: Get in the Home Game; run down the grocery shopping, tackle the laundry, catch the PTA meetings, pick up the underwear you fumbled, defend the furniture from dust, and above all, block the children from disrupting mom's "me time". If you are married, this may be your best option, but don't take my word for it. According to the Journal of Family Issues study, published in October 2009, a survey of 6,877 married couples showed that the more hours couples spent working on domestic chores together, the more frequently they engaged in sex. Who knew?
The bottom line is that women live more hectic lives then men. Therefore, reducing the stress on women and wives always has a positive impact.
Anyway; whatever you choose to do, don't forget the flowers.
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version (ESV), Copyright 2000, 2001 by Crossway Bibles
The Wonder of Super Women